Word Vomit || I Have Way More Interesting Things To Do . . .
My friend Sarah was in town this week for a conference.
We went out for coffee, and while we stood waiting for our coconut milk latte (mine) and salted caramel hot chocolate (Sarah’s). She turned to me, “So,” she asked. “How are things with (that guy you like)?”
She already knows he rejected me awhile back and is wondering how I’m feeling about it.
How I’m feeling about being (still) single.
It’s a fair question.
This rejection was harder than most for me. I wanted it so desperately.
Dreaming of a future where we travelled and changed the world together.
A lifetime of staring into those blue-hazel eyes, laughing til our ribcages hurt, and finding creative ways to help humanity.
The problem is that this is always the question.
Only a couple weeks before I had run into an old friend from Waterloo, and one of the first questions he asked is if I was dating someone.
It’s the under current of my life.
Being single.
Not wanting to be single.
People wanting me to not be single because they know I don’t want to be single.
It’s like that scene from Mean Girls:
Cady: [voice-over] I was a woman possessed. I spent about 80 percent of my time talking about Regina. And the other 20 percent of the time, I was praying for someone else to bring her up so I could talk about her more. […] I could hear people getting bored with me. But I couldn't stop. It just kept coming up like word vomit.
Except change Regina to my relationship status.
Today I’m sitting at the lunch table at work.
I’m drinking coffee out of my re-useable S’well bottle. The Cinematic album from Owl City vibrating through my headphones; pumping hope through my veins.
Thirst by Scott Harrison, the Founder & CEO of charity:water, open to where I’ve paused reading in front of me - midway through chapter 18. Scott’s in the midst of a life transformation and is currently planning a huge fundraiser for Mercy Ships.
I’m staring out the window blankly.
I’m not paying attention to what’s happening around me.
I’m way more interested in what’s happening inside me.
I think I’m over it.
I think I have way more interesting things I want to do with my life than obsess about getting some guy to like me.
Don’t get me wrong - I want to get married someday.
It’s still a dream etched in the core of my being.
Who doesn’t want to be loved and chosen?
To have a hand to hold.
And a favourite pair of eyes to gaze into for the rest of forever.
But I can hear people getting bored with me.
And maybe they’re right to be.
Maybe somewhere along the way I became the one dimensional support character with no story arc.
Maybe I’m missing some depth because the pursuit of a love I can never quite reach has consumed me.
Heck. Let’s be honest - I’m bored with myself!
It’s like hearing the same story over and over.
Predictable.
Nothing new.
Same old.
Like, does no one else notice this same song has been playing on repeat for the last 30 years?
The repetition is kind of soothing.
I know how this ends.
But today, staring out the window at the trees relinquishing their changing leaves to the brisk fall breeze, I’m ready for something new.
A life of let go and adventure.
I’m ready for a life where the ending isn’t one I know.
Doesn’t that seem way more interesting?
Like a Bible verse I read during church on Sunday:
Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original. (Galatians 5:25 & 26)
“We have far more interesting things to do with our lives”
I want a life worth living.
Filled to the brim with stories worth telling.
I have no doubt that someday I’ll get married.
I am brilliant, kind hearted and laugh-out-loud funny.
I am passionate and empathetic, optimistic and filled to the brim with purpose.
I am loving and lovely and worth chasing.
And one day I’ll walk into a party, or a conference, or maybe a wedding reception.
It could be coffee with an old friend, a blind date, or someone who messaged me on Instagram.
Or it could be adventuring with someone I already know, while we’re singing our hearts out, laughing till we can’t catch our breath, or almost crying while we talk about things that matter.
One day a man will finally look up and in one of those flashes between moments he will see me.
With all my facets
And I will be loved.
And in the blink of an eye everything will shift.
But until then I refuse to be boring.
I refuse to read the same chapter one more time.
I will no longer have the same conversations or let the same responses fall from my teeth.
This is my life.
My adventure.
And I have far more interesting things to do than be the side character with no story arc, obsessed with love.
I am brilliant and capable and in the middle of an epic story, and I refuse to live like anything less than the main character.
I don’t want to be “that girl - she’s single.”
I want to be “that girl - she’s going places. She’s changing the world.”
So when you talk to me - don’t ask me about my relationship status.
Talk to me about my passions.
About the things I’m learning.
Friends made.
Places visited.
Ask me about the plants I’ve grown.
My current dance party playlist.
The last dream I remember.
Talk to me about something a little more interesting.
Photo: Allysin Van Ysseldyk
Christmas List
Entertainment
Vinyl/Records
The Greatest Showman Soundtrack
Bleachers - Strange Desire album
JohnnySwimm
iTunes giftcards
Books! (Here’s my booklist)
Clothes
Bobby pins
Cute socks :)
Hair ties
Scrunchy
Slippers for the office
House Stuff
A cute welcome mat (it doesn’t have to actually say welcome. I want to use it for my shoes.)
Biodegradable bandaids
Cute bird feeder for my balcony
Reusable produce bags
Reusable snack bags
Salt lamp
Wake up light (Examples)
Wall calendar
White paint for my bathroom (1 gallon. I’m thinking either Whisper White or Night Blooming Jasmine.)
Eco friendly cork yoga mat
Spooky Sunday || 2018
Autumn is hands down my favourite season,
and in the office I’m not the only one.
My desk mate, Jo, love Halloween and pumpkin spice everything - but especially lattes. It has been more than one year that Jo and I have field tripped over to Starbucks on the week their fall drinks are released.
My lunch mate, Tristan also loves autumn. He enjoys the cold, and in fact embraces winter. He enjoys all things cozy from cups of Yorkshire Gold to office slippers.
And so Spooky Sunday was born.
During lunch one day we started talking about all the fun activities autumn holds, and that quickly solidified into a plan.
A corn maze.
An October Sunday.
And adventure shivering in the brisk autumn wind.
Hanes Corn Maze | Hamilton, ON (I think)
Don’t even ask me where this place actually is.
I was lucky to carpool with one of the guys. To be honest, I absolutely adore carpooling. It makes every drive seem like some grand road trip.
Bonus Spooky Points for stopping for pumpkin spice lattes on the way out of town!
This was my very first corn maze, and it was so much fun!
Ryland and Susie were insanely good at following the cryptic map we were given, and this was a maze with a prize! Which made it 80 times more fun.
Susie & Tristan were the ones that sat down and cracked the code.
And for winning, we all got to spin the prize wheel!
How are you celebrating autumn? Leave me a comment!
Photo Journal | Thanksgiving || 2018
Thanksgiving this year was spent with my family at our cottage.
Growing up our cottage was completely electricity free. Most of my memories of my time spent there is of me reading - everything from Jane Eyre to comic books. When I was young we would buy Archie comic books right before cottage trips, and we’ve built up a pretty impressive collection.
Since then my parents and aunt & uncle have installed a solar panel that can be used for some basic electrical needs. But we still have to conserve energy - especially on grey weekends like Thanksgiving this year.
Everyone has their “go to” meal when they’re cooking for others. My dad’s is eggs. Look how Sunset Grill perfect the over easy eggs my dad made me were.
My mom recently repainted and decorated most of the cottage, but a lot of the pieces are classic and have been part of cottage life for years.
Something that made this Thanksgiving extra special was the fact that this was Acacia’s first Thanksgiving, and very first family holiday.
It was also Acacia’s first photoshoot. My sister Allysin was the one who took the photos, and filmed a video of the behind the scenes for her YouTube channel.
Suffice to say, Acacia is already well on her way to YouTube fame. ;)
How did you spend Thanksgiving? Leave me a comment!
Favourites || September
I’m writing this on September 29th, and I can’t believe this month is over already!
Although it seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, I still had time to discover a few new favourites:
Green Passionfruit Tea | David’s Tea
I received a box set of tea from my friend Anneke for my birthday at the end of August.
A couple of the flavours are similar to my normal go-tos - an Earl Grey and a Chai.
But I was so surprised by this fruity, floral package of green.
With its green tea base, I totally expected to dislike it.
I have a general dislike for green tea, and tend to stick with black or white teas instead.
But based on scent alone, I gave this tea a shot.
Now it’s became the most drank of the four teas in the set.
Sierra Burgess Is A Loser | Netflix Film
We all know that my favourite genre of almost anything is Young Adult Romance.
And this film is no exception.
There was a lot of controversy over this film because of the premise of taking a case of mistaken identity a little too far.
In the film Sierra receives a text from a really attractive guy at school.
She is shocked because she is not what culture generally would consider attractive herself.
She figures out that he actually thinks she’s one of the popular cheerleaders.
At this point the storyline crosses into the realm of catphishing.
The film is based on the concept of the play Cyrano de Bergerac.
In the play Cyrano is desperately in love with a woman named Roxane, but he has a large nose and is deemed unattractive.
He then impersonates the man that Roxane is in love with - Christian - and begins to write letters to Roxane pretending to be him.
Following this same storyline, Sierra Burgess Is A Loser, was argued to not translate the story well into modern times as catphishing, is illegal and an actual existing problem.
People claimed that a film like this, marketed at teenagers, would encourage young people that catphishing is a plausible way to get what they want.
I don’t know. Maybe they’re right.
But either way - I really enjoyed it.
Being someone who has spent my entire life overweight, and fitting the category of “unattractive”.
Sierra Burgess hit this vulnerable part inside me that knows that if a guy was willing to fall in love with WHO I am, rather than how I look - It would be well worth it, and I would make their life absolutely wonderful.
There was also the added benefit of Shannon Purser - the actress who plays Sierra - being a little more on the heavier side.
In the midst of Hollywood diversifying - I hope they begin/continue to diversify the size of main characters, as well as the roles that are played by those who are considered overweight.
I have constantly been told by Hollywood that as someone who is fat, my role in the world is the funny and supportive best friend.
I am not the kind of person who is attractive or wanted.
I don’t get to be the heroine or the centre of a beautiful love story.
The only way for me to stand out is to not. I was built to a sidekick.
But I’m tired of being a sidekick.
And I’m tired of Hollywood telling us that only pretty, size 4 girls get the guy.
So - watch it for yourself, and leave me a comment. What are your thoughts? Too creepy, or a touching romance?
Vanilla Sea Salt Chocolate | Chocosol
I just want the entire world to know about this chocolate company!
There’s just something about the texture they create that makes it so good!
And Vanilla Sea Salt is my favourite.
Do yourself a favour, and pick some up.
Burden Of Truth | CBC
I have long loved the actress Kristin Kreuk.
Ever since the days of her playing Lana Lang in Smallville (although let’s be honest I was always rooting for Clark Kent to end up with his blonde best friend.)
So when I saw on social media that she was part of this brand new Canadian TV show, I knew I was going to give it a shot.
It turns out that this is exactly the type of show I enjoy.
Kristin plays an attorney who goes back to her home town to help with a case, where she partners up with the local sherif and an old friend.
Young girls are getting sick.
What’s causing it?
A new vaccine, or poisonous water run off?
No spoilers!
So you’ll have to watch the show to know. :)
(PS - One of the great things about CBC is that they allow you to watch full seasons of their shows even after they air. No locking episodes a week or two later. No logging in or purchasing a subscription.)
Pushup - Lingerie Lip Colour | NYX
This colour is almost a perfect match for my natural lip colour. It just adds a bit of colour, and because of the closeness in colour - it lasts pretty much all day.
I am still a huge fan of matte lipstick, and this one fits the bill.
It is a bit drying (like most matte lip colours) so I have to apply moisturizer beforehand.
With no stickyness - this colour has become my daily go to.
What is your recent favourites? Leave me a comment!